Beijing, CHINA—Well, it was a wonderful Olympics, wasn’t it? China presented herself flawlessly, with world-wide acclaim, and with no shame or embarrassment of any kind. From the simple purity of a young child’s voice to a night-defying display of pyrotechnics, China rose to the Olympic challenge and put on a show to awe the world for generations to come.
What’s that? Tiananmen Square? What Tiananmen Square are you referring to?
Sorry, I have no idea what you are talking about. Is anyone talking about such a thing or place? I haven’t seen it, if it exists. What I saw was China grabbing 51 gold medals, putting—how would you say?—the smack down upon America. Also there was a smacking down on all other countries.
I also saw over a million visitors and athletes descend on our glorious people’s city—all of them shopping, eating, and celebrating with China as host. Why, I walked down into the Sanlitun Entertainment District and saw many people hoisting drinks and dancing dirtily with friends. I saw too a Budweiser commercial with sexy Chinese girls at a nightclub, and I saw you think to yourself “Wow, I wish I was in Beijing with those sexy Chinese girls having a cold Budweiser while Michael Phelps walks by in his Speedo.”
You know what I didn’t see? I didn’t see any fucking Tiananmen Square. Nowhere.
Maybe you mean Olympic Green or Shunyi Olympic Rowing Stadium, both places where China put some more spanking onto you? Or maybe you mean some square in Iraq that was being bombed while your gold medal hopes bombed too?
Certainly you cannot deny that no one once uttered the words “Tiananmen Square.” Certainly not the athletes, who know what’s good for their careers. Black facemasks my Chinese ass.
What’s that you say, human rights? I heard no one talking about such things—maybe there was too much noise from the five million pounds of fireworks we lit off, and of course the eternal playing of “March of the Volunteers” while another Chinese athlete sported a gold medal over some skinny American.
Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah, can’t hear you! I see you squawking but can’t find your birdhouse, as you Americans might say. Besides, I’m too busy counting Yuan from all the American debt securities China owns. Maybe we can talk Tiananmen Square when Premier Wen Jiabao comes to evict your president from the White House when we decide that we own it now.
Then you will say to us, “But we are a superpower!” And I will say to you, “What superpower?”
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Copyright 2008 Newsmaker News.